Early this morning I awoke to an unusual sensation of being gently rocked back and forth, it took me a few seconds to realize I was experiencing my first earthquake here. It was sort of surreal because I was dreaming something and this earthquake surfaced itself into the dream…
When I lived in California, I always thought about how the earthquakes were such a reflection of my life there….ALWAYS unsettled…I think I lived in at least 10 different places while I was in California and probably had at least that many jobs or more in the time I was there. My friends were the same. People were always coming and going, not to mention life at least for me, seemed to center around where else I could be and what else I could be doing other than where I was and what I was doing at the moment.
Just today I feel unsettled here. As I thought I would begin working today, work is delayed. Everyone tells me to have patience. Me, have patience? Could I have something else?
And, yesterday was such a great day. I mean, a cool, cloudy, fresh aired, semi-smog free day full of walking around the city and feeling happy for choosing this place. This day had everything from hiking around a beautiful park, going to all the free museums….I even got invited to a modern dance performance which finished off the night.
Here’s a photo of my happiness from yesterday….
But then today. So different. My job is the biggest thing, but then I also got lost trying to find an apartment for rent, three ATMs rejected my bank card for reasons my bank couldn’t figure out. Okay, these are probably picky things, but still. Most of all it was another day of struggle with the language. I don’t remember that many random people on the street or in stores ever talking to me in the States…or did they? These are things I never noticed when I took living in my own country for granted.
People always tell me that Chile is one of the hardest countries to learn Spanish because they have their own words for things that other Spanish speaking countries don’t have. They also tend to leave the endings off words when they speak and not to mention they speak muy rapido.
I’ve been studying every day. I have a tutor I meet with once a day for conversation. I try to listen to as much Spanish as possible – music, news – even if I don’t understand it because it is too fast. I pick up on certain words. All of the advice I gave my students in the US, I am now trying to follow. I even bought a cheap romance novel via the suggestion of a friend here. Una Sonrisa Irresistible – “The Irresistable Smile.” It only took me an hour to translate the prologue and thus far I am waiting to see what will happen to the woman who has just arrived at the motel. Seriously, that is as far as I’ve gotten. A woman drives up to a motel.
And then on the total opposite side of reading material. I want to read this newspaper called The Clinic. The Clinic is a satirical political newspaper that, I think, is mostly leftist, but also seems to criticize the left as well. The name was inspired from the former dictator Pinochet’s arrest in London at a hospital called The London Clinic. Anyway, the paper is full of idioms, I just don’t get and that is why I’m going for something much simpler with the Harlequin romance novel.
Agh.
Here’s my random reading material..
Some days I just feel lazy to speak Spanish. It can be such an effort. Its humiliating actually because I want to be understood…I want to be articulate…not sound like a baby. Being frustrated about trying to express myself artistically is one thing, but just trying to express the basics (i.e. things like requesting the person at the deli please slice a certain amount of cheese for me).
Here I am at a café and I have just ordered some tea. Two older men begin asking me all the questions…where are you from, why are you here….and then I realize the entire coffee shop is staring and smiling at me and listening to my very awful Spanish. And how easy and quick would it be just to say everything in English…in a way that I am used to.
I just feel like a huge dork.
When I was here for the first time last month, I took a four hour Spanish class every day. My head hurt so much because of constantly trying to stay aware of what was being said. It was completely exhausting. I know this must be some sort of karma for all of the times I have daydreamed during conversations with friends, family, whoever back home…no offense, but my mind wanders constantly…
A student of mine from Korea, once read my palm and told me right away “You have a very confused hand that reflects a worried mind.” It really is full of crooked lines going in all of sorts directions…he compared with his hand that was virtually clean of anything but those three major lines.
So maybe this is all a good exercise for staying in the present moment. My mind has no chance to wander while I listen to someone – it is too busy trying to grasp every word. As long as I attempt to have conversation here, I can promise myself, my mind won’t be able to not be present. Writing helps too. A lot. All worries aside – “tranquila,” so many people say to me here. Relax.
And this is the reason for “Chica Tranquila.” It is not only because I am a quiet girl…its because I need to quiet apart of me that no one realizes is so loud.
